Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
