shes about as inviting as chlamydia
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
