I bet he comes in French.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
