How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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