I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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