connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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