She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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