i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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