Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
