soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
