So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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