just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
