I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
