Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
