Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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