I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
