I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
