I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
