They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
