I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
