It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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