we have pet lesbian snakes
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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