i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
