She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
