She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
