There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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