My friends, they love my intelligence
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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