One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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