I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
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Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
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I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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