This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
