my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
