Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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