I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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