tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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