Plan B is the new Plan A
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
