I must be too annoying 4 u.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
