hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think my fart just growled at me.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Is Oprah even human
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
