Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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