I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
