just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
