Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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