i just wanna soil my oats bro
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
