Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
