my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
