five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
