You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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