How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
