I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
