Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
