Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
