i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
everyone is single if you try hard enough
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
