so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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