your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
