I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
