Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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