six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
