I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
