Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
