so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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