areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
