Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
