I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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