thus making me awesome and them whores
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
