i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just want to make out with him forever
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
