bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
