I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm just crazy horny about you
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
