? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
