You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
