Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
